What is bothering me?

It's been over two months... I have wanted to write but I completely lack perspective and more importantly inspiration. I get myself too tied up with the kids and the house to even allow any kind of creativity to seep in or flow out. On the brighter side, I am realising my mistakes/ shortcomings and making an effort to at least identify.

Identifying the issues of concern is the most difficult task as far as I am concerned. It is like admitting your most private mistakes on a public forum (which this is surely) after being in denial for years. It is not the most comforting of feelings. Anyway, here goes:

• I need to lose weight through diet and exercise for my health and marital bliss
• I need to drive and not be dependent on others to ferry me around town
• I need to earn more money so that I can get myself silly baubles or clothes without putting pressure on my husband

So where does one begin? I am 40 (which is the new 20 according to yours truly) and willing to experiment with the bizarre first. So I will learn to drive. I will enrol myself at the Pappu Master Driving School tucked away below a dilapidated building along the riverside. I will pay Rs 2770 and undergo trauma for the rest of life. I was waiting for my maid to come back before I could take up driving lessons. You see, for the past one month I have been held ransom by creepy crawlies that pass off as drivers in this city. And I will not take it anymore. Also, it was a bit humiliating when I had to cab it late in the evening to watch Aisha with some friends. You see, my husband refused to drive me and I was determined to go. So now I have to learn driving so that I can watch eminently forgettable Bollywood chickflicks whenever I want to. My mais back so I should not delay starting the classes. But can I put away my really nervous system somewhere? I am scared that I will run someone over while trying to change gear. I just cannot figure out these damn things.

Logically once I learn to drive I will be able to transport my corpulent self to the Geriatric Haven that passes off as Calcutta Club., where the gym is located. I will then have to work out really, really hard and try and shed some weight and then come back home, eat practically nothing, get a glowing complexion and become a wreck after the nervous breakdown that will surely ensue. That might of course put a spanner in the works. How many sane people will be willing to outsource work -- that too written work -- to a mental wreck?

May be I should remain fat, earn more and buy myself an automatic transmission car that requires minimal gear usage and be happy. And more importantly, sane. But I am sure life has different plans for me... Will update as I get on. Till then, adios.